I Is Cultured, Innit | T-Shirt, Vest, Hoody


There was a time, when I was a pretentious young sprat, that I decided to educate myself on etiquette. I had always been a polite chap and understood how to behave at a dinner table (of course, whether I exercised this knowledge is a different conversation), but I wanted to learn more. To that end, I purchased DeBrett's Guide To Modern Etiquette.

I was quite a way through it when I met Vikki. I had learned how Port should only be poured from one side and about the correct way to determine where the toilet facilities might be. For the drunken idiot I was back then, I did quite well.

Unfortunately, my knowledge got halted when the book decided to catch fire. You see, I was rodgering Vikki (or her me, I forget which) and we knocked over some candles. We didn't notice until we were among the flames. I would like to say, at this point, that I quickly pulled out and used gallons of my gentleman sauce to put the fire out, but that would be a lie. We were probably too drunk and just threw the duvet on the burning embers. And there finished my lesson in becoming the Queen

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