YOUR ONE-STOP SWEARY TOP SHOP! [Est 2002]
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27 Damn Good Reasons To Buy From Us!

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It has really come to my attention lately how many online stores are run by faceless people. I don't know them, their story, where they came from and why they want my money (beyond the obvious exchange for goods or services).

Vikki and I have always been really open to you guys. I like to think of us as one big, very sweary family. What makes this more so is that we travel the land and get to meet an awful lot of you face to face. You really are lucky bastards sometimes.

In the past, your custom - or the custom of people just like you - has made such an overwhelming difference to our lives. And I'm not talking money. I promise you, if we were in this for the money, we'd be way rich by now as we'd be selling ourselves out left, right and centre! Buy I digress...

The most obvious thing is the band. We started the site about the same time as the band and each helped the other move forward and grasp a hold of the public's consciousness. By selling T-Shirts, we were able to fund everything band-wise. Equipment, recordings, tours along with the less fun stuff. We never made a profit we kept: it all went back into the band.

Fast forward a bit and this site funded our own movie. Yes, I know it isn't bloody out yet, but the real expensive part of it is done. And, when it's finished, it will be through the continued support of our customers.

Crowdfunding is all the rage now. I guess, what we have been doing since 2002 is our own version of that. Getting you guys to buy our stuff so that we can utilise those funds to create. I think what we do is way cooler, though!

More recently, I have embarked on writing some books. Hoping the first will be released late in 2016 with the other to follow next year. Although writing doesn't cost anything, being afforded the time to be able to create and put pen to paper (metaphorically speaking, of course) is helped by not having to get a proper job.

Then there is our new YouTube channel. It's only been going since January and it is a hard sell. Not because the content isn't good, coz it is, but because it doesn't have that narrow focus that most YouTube channels have. If you ask me what it's about, I can't say "supercars" or "makeup". In one word, it is about "us", but it encompasses so much more. We call it a channel because that is how we are treating it: different types of shows that will appeal to different people for different reasons. The thing that ties them all together is that it is us two fronting it. And appearing in it. It has our sensibilites. As with everything we have ever done, do and will continue to do, we won't sell out to gain an audience. We will stick to our guns and eventually they will find us.

The channel costs money, though. Most obviously equipment for the recordings themselves. We want to make them look as good as possible and have been experimenting wildly to find the best tools. I think we are on our fifth or sixth camera by now! Of course, we aren't frivelous and don't just chuck the other bits away, but, again, we couldn't do it without you.

Finally - and these are the most important reasons to buy from us - the animals we keep, love and look after. They are all rescue animals, adopted and re-homed. I will quickly run through the current menagerie as it stands today, 1st August 2016:

ROXY is a deaf cat. She is lovely, if slightly psychotic. As I type, she is outside my office miaowing for me, scratching at my door. If she could, she would wear my skin. It is sweet, if a little disturbing. Obviously, being deaf, she cannot go outside, but her life wants for nothing. Apart from my flesh.

RAMBO is the star of the house. This little cat has cerebral hypoplasia. In lamen's terms, she wobbles and falls over a lot. It is a neurological problem with no cure, but it leaves her with a constant tremor and she lacks the ability to properly run and jump around. For most of her life, she has been a floor cat and we have bought tiny Rambo-sized furniture so she can feel a bit more like a proper cat. She is also very, very small. She is about four years old now, but still the size of a small kitten. Her size and inability to Cat means that she, too, is an indoor only cat. However, she rules the house and everything we do, we do it for Rambo.

SKULLY is a Jack Russell crossed with a Chihauhau. This means she is loud, likes heat, likes holes, doesn't do as she is told and has big sticky out Yoda ears. Thankfully, she is in tip top shape but, before she came to us, she was on death row in Ireland. Picked up by a dog warden then, mercifully, rescued by a place down near Brighton, she eventually bounced into our lives.

CATO is a dream come true for Vikki, in-so-much as he was her first horse. Something she always wanted but never thought she could get. When we moved up north, however, the space was available for her to re-home one. He came from Ireland where he had suffered at the hand's of his previous owners to live on the magnificent fells of the Pennines.

JANGO is a chubby ginger pony. Very jealous and craving attention. He was picked up by his previous owner at an auction, where things weren't looking too good for him. However, the person that rescued him could only keep him temporarily, which is when Vikki stepped in.

SPARTACUS is the latest arrival. The phrase "me and my big mouth" springs to mind.. We went to an animal shelter that had Shetland Ponies. "They're so cute!", said Vikki, "You should get one.", said I. Within a couple of weeks, she had located one that needed a new home as his previous owner had gotten too old and unwell to look after him. He came just a couple of weeks ago and is a round ball with legs.

AUDREY, FORBES & HAMILTON are ducks. White ones. They are very noisy and complain endlessly about everything. Take one step toward them and they run, quacking, like you have a meat cleaver in your hand. Turn your back and they are right behind you, complaining about the lack of food. They eat a lot and were re-homed a year ago.

LUKE & LEIA are two muscovy ducks. A male and a female. We went to the animal rescue to get them, choosing first Leia but then was told we "must take her mate", so we ended up with Luke as well. He is very rapey, as male ducks tend to be. As a result, we now also have

15 DUCKLINGS! Some we will keep, some we will sell to help pay for the upkeep of the others. Of course, we will vet whomever wishes to buy them to ensure that they will never be used in the production of food, or become food themselves. We'll also make sure they will be going to somewhere with plenty of space.

And that's your lot! What a lot. We couldn't do any of it without your support. So we truly thank you and think of you daily. You are all fucking awesome!

Much love,

Zion, Vikki & all the furry, feathered friends.


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